In This Season of Waiting.

Reminder from the past

2012-02-15T17:48:00.001-08:00

Written June 26th, 2011
Received January 1st, 2012

Dear FutureMe,

Today is the first day of 2012.
A few tasks:
Be diligent. Be awefilled. Be thankful.

Kiss Papa, he puts up with your crazy pig-headed attitudes and your dumb reasoning. And he loves you more than you could ever know.

Call Grace. She is a miracle to you! The bestest of best friends and the most faithful example. Call her and say thanks.

Be in the scripture. Be a woman of the Word. This is invaluable. This is imperative.

I'm assuming you're still single, use this time to increase your worth! This can be such a time of growth.
If in fact you are not single, (how to keep this short...) Trust God, always listen to Papa and don't undervalue Pastor Niell.
... And don't screw this up.

Surround yourself with good people and live faithfully among them.

Hug Abi's pregnant belly!

Bake a cake.

... Just kidding on that last one. Unless you've gained some crazy, domestic, cooking skills over the last 6 months...

Just be faithful this year. That's all.

Putting this old year to bed.

2011-12-26T12:22:00.001-08:00

Here we come, gaining on the new year once again.
Remembering last year, the tiny, dark hours of the night, January 1st, surrounded by the people I love most in this world, minus a few.
No one was to die: check
No one was to ge married: check

If those were our only resolutions to be kept, we've done well. But of course they weren't and we were only speaking from under the weight of two dear sisters recent nuptial attachments which had left everyone involved so full of joy but equally drained and quite prepared to completely write off the whole overwhelming idea of weddings.

I feel stronger, surer and better prepared, having lived through this year, 2011. I've learned to pray and found endless comfort in The Word. I found a job that keeps me on my toes, physically and spiritually. I made dear friends out of distant and new out of old and they carry me farther than they'll ever know.

When my sister and best friend got married last November, among the great joy and excitement I felt a hallow numbness that I assumed would blossom later on, probably when I saw her back from her honeymoon for the first time, or the next time I found her clothes hanging in my closet, oblivious.
But the emotion never struck me the way I had been bracing myself to take. And instead God let them gently rush over me so subtly that when I wrote her a letter months later and didn't even notice that I had addressed it to her new name, without batting an eye. now she is creating a tiny child within her womb and though when I first heard the news I couldn't stop the smiles, I continued to wait, cringing for the full weight of the emotion to fall upon me like a ton of bricks. It didn't happen when she first started to show. It didn't happen when I was in the baby store purchasing sweet, tiny outfits, it probably won't happen the first time I see it kick or hear it cry and I could just wait, and wait for it to hit me ten years down the road when she is no doubt pregnant again, her and her faithful husband, raising three more little covenant children. But I don't think it ever will. Life doesn't make slam dunks. God has so protected me from these emotional attacks. He slips them gently under the rug for me to tread on, He drops them silently onto my coffee. He defends me from tidal waves of realization and wards off dark shadows of sorrow that would swallow me. I am so thankful for this.

Im learning to be faithful. In work, at home, in relationships. Always in response to His own faithfulness. He loved me first.
Starting in small things, I daily remind myself that He has been, therefor so must I be faithful.

Contentment was one of my self-challenges this summer. There is so much peace to be found in contentment. We often think of Peace as something that comes over us, a feeling apart from our will which happens to us. But really, Peace is no different than Contentment. We must work to attain both. When I have worked to be content, peace does come.

So thankful. For struggles in this life, for great victories. For warrior friends who come alongside me. For the fellowship of the saints, for a faithful sheppard, my pastor. So many blessings.

Every season is full of adventures. I want to find adventures.

I don't know what this coming year will hold. I am not afraid.

facepalm

2011-10-19T20:13:00.001-07:00

I'm such a girl sometimes...

Fighting

2011-10-05T21:11:00.001-07:00

Fighting, rebellious, against the things that would humble me. Against the reality of my own ignorance. Against the heavy hand of grace, ready to secure me.

How much we need forgiveness. Yet we insist on alibis and outward blame.
And just as we're pressing and pushing the blame from ourselves, we are separating ourselves from the knowledge that we need forgiveness and even, in the process, making ourselves think we are unforgivable.

"...then I remember Jonah accusing God of overlenience, of foolishness, mercy, and compassion.

We desperately need the foolishness of God"

- A Circle of Quiet by Madeleine L'engle.

I feel desperate at times. Desperately unfit.
Christ, save me.

Sometimes I wish

2011-09-20T20:25:00.001-07:00

I could make music.
Of my own.
Not just repeat the music from other's mouths.
If I could, I would write a song about the feeling you get when someone is standing close to you and all you want them to do is hug you.
But they don't.
That feeling of reaching out with your mind.
Trying to look as huggable as possible.
Then just giving in and hugging them instead.

Talking to my ceiling.

2011-08-31T10:41:00.001-07:00

If I wrote music I think I would travel the world. I think I would have to. Ideas and words get so stale when you're stuck in one place. But images don't. So I take pictures instead.

Madeliene L'engle says we're all, every one of us, afraid of the dark.
Is that why my mind is so active, as I am curled up, wrapped in night, trying to sleep but talking myself up and down. Am I simply protecting myself from darkness and all the heavy fears that would break into my head?
I thought i loved the darkness.

When silence screams.
When truth imprisons.
When love lies.
Then what?

Contentment

2011-08-13T09:14:00.001-07:00

I like to set goals. This month my challenge and conviction had to do with discontent and unthankfulness.

What does it mean to be content? And is it different then thankfulness? I think a thankful heart is a content one and a content spirit is a thankful one but at the same time they are different responses to different situations.

Usually the presents of contentment implies that something, anything is wrong. But you have chosen to rejoice in it and the full and complete plan of God nonetheless, trusting His will for your life and His purpose in all things.

Thankfulness is generally a response to something positives that has happened or appeared in your life that humbles your soul and reminds you of the kindness of the Lord.

I think it is easier to be thankful than to be content.
Every day I thank the Lord for food, but every day between meals I complain of hunger. Discontent with not having right now.

Giving thanks in the midst of a crisis or negative happening is difficult. Oh how hard it is to turn to Christ in complete submission to His will when your car breaks down or you lose your job. But I think that is really what it takes, full contentment is unshaking trust and unwavering faith.

It takes practice. A lot of practice in the little things.
When plans change and I end up working later than expected. When my bathroom is down and I have to use my parents shower for a week. When Papa is struggling for work...

Discontent is generally a female sin. I'm sure boys are discontent on occasion but I've only ever met a very few who are complainers. Everything is wrong to him, his life is a mess, he wants to get out of his parents house, he doesnt get enough freedom and so on.
His constant stream of whining has a way of demasculanizing him. Leaving him low in the oppinion of others.
But women are the prime offenders of this and we know it. And others know it. We must become woman of contentment.

I want to be that woman, content in all things, peaceful when trials present themselves, happy. Trusting. Faithful.

I'm so sorry.

2011-06-25T19:36:00.001-07:00

I never want to drive to the hospital in such urgent, chilling despair again. I never want to fight against the city's nightlife like that again, windshieldwipers doing nothing to clear the wet from my eyes.
Seeing a tiny child, bodily stable but fatherless. Ignorant.

Watching the pain in my papa shake his frame and bend his shoulders.

Why do we apologize when someone is suffering, regardless of whether or not it involves our sin or downfall.

When someone loses someone dear.
When someone is struggling in love, career or health.

Are we meaning to say "I'm sorry I can have something you can not"?
Maybe "I'm so sorry I cant help you bring them back"

Grief is merciless. Experiencing someone close greaving is crippling. And with wet lashes and tight, holding embraces all I can say is "I'm so sorry". For what?

This storm

2011-06-21T20:56:00.001-07:00

Hot air against cold air. Cold wins, shoving the hot to anywhere else. Wind all together moving. Then, shoots of harsh winds yelling at the trees. Picking up, picking up! Thunder roars and light opens the night.

Wind pulling my hair. Blowing a wall against my face. Growling thunder. Warm breeze from my feet throwing pebbles of rain at my eyes. Sky is bright as noon for a second then gray like factory smog. Gentle waves, then whipping my hair and feathers back. Tingle.
Clicking leaves across the street. Running away.
Heat from the cement burns the soles of my feet but my legs shiver as I hug my body with my arms in the cold, ecstatic!

Weighty drops, heavy like the mouns of thunder, pelting shoulders, cheeks, brow.
Can't find the moon. Stars, gone. Trees are shaking themselves, waking from day's slumber every limb.
My hair trembles and catches the streetlight. Eliminated. Blown across my face striping my vision with gold cracks. Like lightning.

Shivering light. Flickering. Dying. Rain, gentler. Subsiding.

Calm. Traces of birthed clouds. Smell of wet earth. Faint rumble of distance. Silence creeping in. Heavy, authoritative silence. Daring a noise. None.

[This is the raw draft of what, I suppose, will become a real post. As I stood on my street at night and felt a storm wash in I took these notes. Snippets. I'm sorry it's hard to read, I wasn't meaning to blog. Only somehow tell a story from a storm.]

Embarrassing fact:

2011-06-08T12:20:00.001-07:00

Girls, we don't know how to take compliments from guys.

Guys don't know how to compliment girls.

The desolation and break-down of old fashion chivalry -for the most part, has lead to this. It simply makes us uncomfortable when a guy tells us we look nice, but this rarely happens where a crush, blindness or alcohol isn't involved.
This is unfortunate indeed.
Girls, we spend a lot of time and energy trying to look nice especially for times when minimal makeup and ponytail won't cut it, like a dance, church or evening out. Why does it make us feel nervous and awkward when a guy tells us "you look pretty"?

Perhaps it's caused by the lack of respect girl and guy friends have for eachother in our culture. Young men are not protecting and honouring their sisters in Christ. Young women are not being hounorable and pure, resulting in distrust and wariness of any boy who would compliment us without a double motive or sarcasm, and boys who don't want to.

Perhaps in a world of digital, shallow profile-picture compliments, we aren't used to genuine, human interaction and are caught off-guard when we encounter it.

Guys shouln't be afraid to compliment a girl. girls, we shouldn't be afraid to answer a compliment with an honoured "thank you"

Thoughts?

Heart keeper

2011-05-25T09:45:00.001-07:00

Why do I voluntarily wear this on my ring finger? Yes, it's pretty, but that is not why.

I wear it as a reminder, a covenant sacrament. My covenant with my Father and my papa.

Every day it reminds me, I am not my own. I was bought at a price. So I must honour God with my body.
So I belong to Christ.
In addition, as my body is not my own, neither is my heart, to give away as I wish. My heart belongs to my papa. My covenant with him and this ring on my finger signify obedience and authority. My obedience to his authority.

How freeing and wonderful to know God is the keeper of our earthly bodies! How liberating and comforting to know my papa is the keeper of my heart! I know, then, it will not be lead astray nor deceived. Blessed am I among daughters!

1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?

graduating

2011-05-17T20:16:00.000-07:00

Is this fear of ignorance normal?
Graduation is leaving me with this undeniable uncomfortableness. because I don't have an excuse for all the things I just don't know. sometimes I feel like I know everything. and then God throws someone into my path who shakes me up and knocks me over.
Humbling.
that's when I sit back and begin to shrink. ignorance is freakyscary. Pride only covers it a little, in my head, but when it's yanked away, my incomprehension is so ugly and obvious.

May I never "finish" learning. this world is too big and my God is too great to accept this drop of knowledge when there is an ocean available to me!

Frustrated. by how little I know! by how much more there is!
Humbled by how little I know. by how much more there is. by how blessed I am.

stuck

2011-04-21T18:33:00.000-07:00

sometimes I feel stuck.
my art is a huge part of my life. a huge part of the way I worship my Lord. a huge part of how I filter through life.
but lately I'm feeling stuck in place. not that I don't see myself progressing, more that, I'm comparing myself to a currently unattainable level. feeling just short of where I want to be as an artist.
But then, why do I even have this gift? gift.
feeling inferior is simply a byproduct of misguided self-purpose. my art makes me happy. yes. it puts things in focus and brings clarity to tiny spaces and beauty in small details. but I really shoot because it is the clearest way I know how to glorify and enjoy God. sometimes a capture will take my breath away. The way light floats and falls. human eyes and hair. the wind!

He gave me this gift. I don't know why. He had a reason. and I am obligated and privileged to find ways to praise him and serve others through it.
this makes my calling wonderful and fresh! instead of sitting back wondering why I can't always capture the level of perfection I see in my head, why even should I be able to? His picture is far too great and infinitely too brilliant for me to ever hope to take from.

I can only learn and grow. I will share and serve. let everything that comes from me, praise the Lord.

Love Letter Addressed To:

2011-03-23T18:37:00.000-07:00

your immanent eminence
wholly transcendent
permanent, in firmament
holy, resplendent
other and aweful
incomprehensible
legal, unlawful
wild, indefensible
eminent immanence
mysterium tremendum
mysterium fascinans
incarnate, trinitarian
being impassible
infinite wisdom
one indivisible
king of kingdom
logos, word-speaker
star-namer, narrator
man-maker, man-seeker
ex nihil creator
unbegun, unbeginning
complete but unending
wind-weaver, sun-spinning
ruthless, unbending:

Eternal compassion
helpless before you
I, Lord, in my fashion,
love and adore you.

-Madeleine L'engle, The Irrational Season

Maybe

2011-03-10T20:10:00.000-08:00

Heading into summer again. Maybe I'll be grown up this time.

Maybe I should not just blog when I feel preachy. I apologize. I'm preaching at myself as much as anyone else. almost like I take words from the books I read and absorb them. then I rewrite them in my own words, so I can absorb them deeper. Not that they weren't good enough the first time, more that, every time they hit me, the better I understand. I don't think I'm a judgmental person. Maybe I am.

I never want to loose this feeling: running to Papa and leaning against his belly, head on his chest. he puts his arm around my shoulders and I'm five. and nothing can touch me. Maybe my children will lean on their papa just so.

Maybe one day I'll go to New York and stand in the middle of Times Square and be the center of the universe for a million city lights.

I wish editing didn't feel like prison right now. Maybe it is, of sorts. caged artist.

Is this nonsense? Maybe it is. but it's in my brain.

owl.

2011-01-28T19:34:00.000-08:00

New Year

2011-01-01T18:39:00.000-08:00

Capturing images.
Wooden park, in childhood finger prints covered.
Sparkles on my feet, crunching leaves under.
Through foggy windows, haloed lights smothered.

Speeding cars.
Soar neck and happy bones, frazzled brain and heavy lids.
Motion in motion in motion in motion.
Hot coffee in hand, burning lips.

Confused.

Scared? no, not.

Following shadows up and down walls.

Drowsyness: avoided, sleep: fought.

Mind awake.
Voices singing in our ears.
Disobedient laughter flowing without consent.
This is the New Year.

Helpmeet

2010-12-22T15:48:00.000-08:00

Girls, Why is it that when we think of our future Mr. Right we put weird credentials on him?
we think of this man as someone to fill in the cracks and cover the flaws we already have in our lives.
if we're not good at math we know we want a man who can handle the finances.
if we're not outgoing we pray for someone who can leave us alone and lead social interactions without us.
if we can't cook we hope for a man who can.

this is all wrong.
of course I pray that my future husband will compliment my strengths and encourage me through my weaknesses.
But he is not charged to be my helpmeet and wingman. I am called to be his.
all the sudden, when the spot light is no longer on yourself, the impossibly perfect man becomes quite a lot easier to reach. he doesn't have to fill every one of those lacking areas in my life.
instead of looking for the PERFECT and puzzle piece man, your looking for a man you can aid and encourage. one who trusts you enough to leave the finances to you. one who you want to learn to cook for.

Elisabeth Elliot talks about how we marry a sinner.
I think sometimes we don't consider that when we are writing that list of requirements in our head.
standards are good, I'm all about standards, but I think a lot of times standards get mixed up with preferences and how often are our standards based on ourselves and not on Christ?

when I remember my place as the helpmeet those words on that list get skimmed down. leaving only the important, quality aspects of a man, and not whether or not he laughs at my jokes. because I am called to laugh at his.

nothing

2010-11-28T16:51:00.000-08:00

can reduce me to tears after a long, hard month like a computer program that refuses to submit and a deadline looming. stupidstupidstupid.

City Lights

2010-11-22T19:34:00.000-08:00

late night car rides, in the passenger seat, with the window rolled down, chilly wind dancing in my hair and slow melodies murmuring.

this is my place of solid contentment.

I love the city lights bokehd in every direction, blurring the road, past and future.
I love my hand like an aeroplane wing, out the window. the movement makes all the tiny hairs tingle and my fingers float up and down, as if I have no control.
I love the slowness within the speed.
and when my head is outside, the wind whips my hair across my face like dull blades.

this is where I feel conscious.

I love when the outside is fighting to get inside. laughing and playing.
and all around, round lights. but in the sky, nothing.
no stars. no clouds. no planes. just the moon. sometimes full, sometimes empty. like a balloon of glow-in-the-dark paint hanging on an invisible string from nowhere.
I love how it's impossible to think because the night is so thick with activity, and my brain just keeps darting about.

this is where I am flying.

desktop background

2010-11-19T12:33:00.000-08:00

to help me remember...

somethings gonna have to change.

2010-11-17T17:36:00.000-08:00

I feel like someone took the training wheels off my bike.
so far this week I've had to do things and be things I never thought would be my place to be or do.
I was the peacemaker. I'm never the peacemaker. I hate confrontation and I hate arguments. the last thing I want to do is invite myself into someone else's tiff.
Abi always did that. without knowing it.

I had to listen to frustration and anger and not have the words to comfort. knowing they would much rather be telling Abi who always knew what to say.

I had to cheer up the gang after a run in with the parent's rules. by gang I mean, the ones older than me.

no one's asking me to replace her. and at the same time the emptiness has got to be filled. and I feel forced to step into her tiny, outlined shadow.

I hate that feeling.

little things completely out of proportion because the stability in knowing we had a foundational ringleader is gone.

Abi was always the interceder between the kids and the parents. that's a job that has to be done. there's to many times when communication gets lost or muddled.

I think my bicycle may actually be a unicycle. crap.

Jet plane...

2010-11-15T17:30:00.001-08:00

I can feel this video through my fingers.

Summer Sanctus year 2

2010-07-30T08:13:00.000-07:00

this week I grew up a little. okay, a lot. enough to realize how little I am. and how much credit I've been giving myself in place of God and my parents.

Pastor Booth, Garner and Niell taught on the subjects of Men & Woman, maturity & humility and Friendships. the combination of which left me feeling convicted and guilty.

and again, God is trying to stuff my into his box of grace. and my nails are in the carpet.

humility and knowing myself a little better is scary. looking at my toolbelt and realizing it's practically empty. but the tools are scattered throughout my life like a episode of Bob the Builder and I'm going to find them and put them under my belt.

Pastor Booth said:
"not meaning to is not the same as meaning not to."

surely I am more stupid than any man.

C.S. Lewis on being grown up:

2010-06-30T14:30:00.000-07:00

Critics who treat adult as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence. And in childhood and adolescence they are, in moderation, healthy symptoms. Young things ought to want to grow. But to carry on into middle life or even into early manhood this concern about being adult is a mark of really arrested development. When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.

amen?

been reading all week

2010-06-12T08:24:00.000-07:00

Elisabeth Elliot, on love.
And I feel like I crammed for a test that won't be assigned for 5 years.

the older I get..

2010-05-26T08:58:00.000-07:00

The more I acknowledge the inner battle of heart and soul that rages consistently inside me, though I would just as well dismiss it as hormones or weariness.

this battle warring within is composed of one sinful teenage girls heart and the same girls conscience.
our hearts which are evil and can not be trusted and our consciences which should be founded on scripture, ready to fight for us.

For as long as we can remember, through movies literature and music, the world has been telling us to "believe in yourself", "find the power within you" and "follow your heart" on no uncertain terms.
This language appeals to girls minds in many ways and especially her emotional side, which by the way is highly over-stocked and painfully well endowed, as long as you are female, this applies to you. We are all aware of the snares this world would love to entangle us in, but that doesn't always mean we act cautiously. we are that witless mouse that falls for the set trap, even though we know what it is.

tough situations call for tough decisions and how often are we making decisions based on emotions? um, almost always!
making a logical decision in a rut can sometimes comes easier to me then most, simply because I am so black and white and can see the logic in the white and the disadvantage in the black.
and still I find myself falling to the black.

We fantasize dilemmas, clouding our own judgments with romantics until it's near impossible for our consciences to fight soberly. romance is like a drug. and it narrows our vision and numbs are perspective.

As woman we want to be cared for. but we can not let that (our hearts) win over what we believe (the word). we cannot give up the battle of heart and conscience because we are tired of fighting or because we have fallen in love.

I do not believe anyone can steal your heart if it is firmly planted in Christ. untouchable and guarded from evil. neither can you lose it, if it is always open and exposed to Him. he won't lose track of it, and neither will you. honesty is the key there. honesty with yourself, with God and with your parents.
Your heart can only be given.

Do not let your heart win over your conscience. Be strong. Hold fast to what is good.

A battle is a battle. I believe this one will always exist, as long as our hearts beat in our sinful chests.

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life -Proverbs 4:23

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? -James 4:

Clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature -Romans 13:14

For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly -Mark 7:21-22

God makes it abundantly clear that the heart is sinful. so, by all means do not side with it.

"natural life"

2010-05-06T08:54:00.000-07:00

This quote by C.S. Lewis caught my heart. Because I know it. because of my people, and the great blessings that we have when we are together.

"when the whole group is together, each bringing out all that is best, wisest, or funniest in all the others. Those are the golden sessions…when the whole world, and something beyond the world, opens itself to our minds as we talk; and no one has any claim on or any responsibility for another, but all are freedmen and equals as if we had first met an hour ago, while at the same time an Affection mellowed by the years enfolds us. Life- natural life- has no better gift to give."

always trying to learn something new.

2010-05-03T17:49:00.000-07:00

there's not much I can do when I feel this sick.
sitting here in this giant yellow hoodie, the sleeves rolled back so I can type.

This week God decided to teach me to let go.
so He took my tight, reluctant, white knuckled grip off and He took the burden I'd been carrying away.
at first, panic. then slowly, relief. realization that I CANT carry it now.
over and over, being told to let it go. it's not your responsibility. and only now, when I can't reach it anyway, have I let go.

so, I learned about me. and my lack of trust.

Psalm 28:7

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.

Trust enough to let go, even before it's out of my hands. trust to give over my burden and trust that He will provide.

Isaiah 12:2

Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation."

I can not believe

2010-04-15T10:51:00.000-07:00

How Good our God is and how foolish I can be.

And still he loves me.

this Motion of Life

2010-04-13T07:25:00.000-07:00

I've lived 6,173 days. every Day I get out of bed. every day I dress, drowsy and groggy. every day the sun shines through my blinds and stripes my floor and disheveled bed. every day is the same, and so different. and how come we never get bored of life? Simply because deep down inside, we know our purpose, though we don't always think it out loud, though sometimes we only believe we're living for ourselves. we know our purpose.
we know our calling and that thing inside us makes us strong. every day is new, and fresh and wondrous, every face is loved and sweet, every blessing points us to God and every song we sing.

as long as we have Him in front of us, every single, monotonous day becomes choice.

I think it's when we loose track of that purpose that we begin to feel blase about another morning, another daytime of life. over and over again, when really we're simply falling away, and if we only stood back up again, bearing His name on our tongues and hearts we would find so much more glory, not because it was hidden, but because we chose not to see it.

simply: "live every day to it's fullest". we hear it over and over again, like a broken record. but nobody can do it for you.

Bella

2010-03-02T11:57:00.001-08:00

Lyrics:

(Hello)

There goes the gal
In the pretty skirt with the
Golden smile that made you feel new
Like when the marching band strolls the street
You know another years come too soon
So you took her hand and she gave a look that sent you to the moon
And there you spoke the words of a gentleman
Can I have this dance with you
Can I share this dance with you
Won't you come on home
I built us a flying machine
And well go where you want well sail the seven seas
I hope all is well in daisies dreams

There goes the gal
Yeah the pretty bird on the golden mile that made you feel real
She took withon to the stars
She don't make no big deal
There she sits with them big old fields of daisies and rusty mills
And when the sun it shines on her hair of gold
She's beautiful
She's beautiful
Won't you come on home
I built us a flying machine
And well go where you want well sail the seven seas
I hope all is well in daisies dreams

Da de de da da

- Angus and Julia Stone

Alice and wonderland

2010-03-01T06:37:00.000-08:00

wanting to see the new movie ever so badly.
someday I want to make a stop motion.

and this is gold:

and this is what I've been hearing:

and this made me grin:

Having a job is a good place to be

2010-02-18T19:45:00.000-08:00

I'm saving for a new camera, Canon EOS 7D. yup, she's a beauty.
so. having a job's a good place to be right now.
I'm starting to get business calls from people who want photos done, frankly it's weirding me out. not that I don't want to get into photography in earnest, I just never thought I would. but my brain is wired in visuals; it shoots a roll of mental film every day-a symmetrically precise bookshelf, the steam curling up from my morning coffee, the sun chasing shadows across me floor- and the only thing I can do to ease it's constant shutter clicking is to shoot real.
maybe it's a disease.
maybe instead of curing it I'm encouraging it.
maybe it's just a drive. whatever, I think I'm ready for it.

let's just see what God has in store for me this year. could be crazy stuff. I might have to be mature and self motivated or something. whoa.

so far door knocking has been as lively as ever. the job is a perk in and of itself, behind every door there's a bit of humor, I often find myself chuckling after every human association, which generally makes for a good time. *did that guy really just say that?* *whoa, mullet much?* *leggings do not equal pants!* *Gramma says "pull em up!"*
good times.

blessings through my friends, blessings through family, and church and good food and fellowship. blessings even through confrontation and miscommunication.

blessings to you.

happiness this week:

2010-02-03T20:03:00.001-08:00

Big brother.
Regina Spektor.
Good friends who pray for me.
Faithful parents.
Well paying job.

something inside me wanted to blog tonight.

2010-01-21T17:09:00.000-08:00

Funny, all the words, pictures and feeling in my brain inevitably turn into these tiny paragraphs on paper, when I would have thought I could have written a book, and I'm thinking... "umm, was that all!"

little problems, little thoughts tend to seem so big in a teenage girls mind. it's a curse.

this year has this weird mentality, it thinks it has a goal. it wants to get to the end of the summer, and nothing else really matters. I really am not encouraging it, honestly.
and I'm repeating to myself:
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven - Ecclesiastes 3

the thing is I really don't want to skip over this time. not for a second. but it's racing me and I can't keep up...
I feel like in one of those scenes in movies, where the background is advancing while the person in the foreground doesn't move, it has that haunting feeling and it's a play on the mind because the charicter isn't actually moving at all. it's like that. time is teasing me.

I guess I'll have to try harder to cherish the moments time is whisking away. I can do that.

one step at a time... 2009

2010-01-15T13:23:00.001-08:00

Best of 2009 in twenty photos:

2010-01-12T12:27:00.000-08:00

December

2009-12-11T14:47:00.001-08:00

thought process..es

2009-11-24T09:48:00.000-08:00

things I had to do this last week.
I watched my friend get married. I promise you it was not easy.
I said hullo and goodbye to my best friend in the same day. that sucked.

Christmas is coming up. (weird). I'm trying to remember how many times we've been out of work over the Holidays. we've done it before. experts.

Thanksgiving. that is joy. time to spend with Vrazos and extended Vrazos and other People that aren't Vrazos but are okay too. it'll be good times.

as always God is great. he makes me thankful for little things like Ponytails.

November

2009-11-07T10:38:00.000-08:00

Like a child

2009-11-06T07:45:00.000-08:00

Jars of clay sings truth.

Dear God, surround me as I speak,
The bridges that I walk across are weak
Frustrations fill the void that I can't solely bear
Dear God, don't let me fall apart,
You've held me close to you
I have turned away and searched for answers I can't understand

They say that I can move the mountains
And send them falling to the sea
They say that I can walk on water
If I would follow and believe
With faith like a child

Sometimes, when I feel miles away
And my eyes can't see your face
I wonder if I've grown to lose the recklessness
I walked in light of you

They say that love can heal the broken
They say that hope can make you see
They say that faith can find a Savior
If you would follow and believe
With faith like a child

"my days go on and on without you here, without you here."

2009-10-20T18:13:00.000-07:00

truly though, the days and weeks are melting by.
this past week has made itself into hard rock week. I hate hard rock. but somehow it just *shrug* works.

"If they are broken
we will teach them,
If they are broken
we will hold them,
If they are broken
we will keep them"

Piney Woods is golden! can't keep my adrenalin down for long...

some truths crept out of their dark holes and showed their ugly faces this month. Truths I've always known have been there, but if they're hidden I can so easily pretend they don't exist. now that they're out and about I have to acknowledge them. this requires grace, on my end and His. Grace to me, grace from me. good thing He's not stingy with the stuff...

And God is able to make all grace abound toward you;
that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work
2 Corinthians 9:8

Grace and peace.

Grace be to you and peace from God our Father, and from the Lord Jesus Christ.
2 Corinthians 1:2

tomorrow I leave...

2009-10-07T10:00:00.000-07:00

Hello Seattle, I am an old lighthouse
Throwing beams of bright lights
Red in the morning, blue in the evening sun
Taking heed for everyone
- owl city

understandably, this song has been stuck in my head for 2 weeks now.

this week

2009-10-02T16:35:00.000-07:00

was so bad it made me cry.

I held out for a good long time before I gave in.

'So I crawl underneath my blanket
Where I can hide away
I know I can't take it
'Cause I see now
It's just one of those days'
- Radin.

this weight is killing me, not all explained. I know what it's *not*.

anybody got emotional baggage?! Camel Mercy here, just pile it on, wouldn't make a difference no how.

next week has to get better. I'm leaving.
to Seattle with only literal baggage and none of this metaphorical stuff.
this will be good.

God is great. always.

I love this boy and he is my friend.

2009-09-25T22:26:00.000-07:00

epic weekend: September.

2009-09-20T21:01:00.000-07:00

weekend started with a goodbye hug and a car trip and ended with a goodbye hug (or dozen) and a car trip. weird how that works.
somewhere in the middle of that weekend I watched my little sister get her chin stitched up in someone's bedroom, on someone's bed by a man who didn't know her name but, I knew, loved her.

I danced, I laughed, I sang and I praised alongside the people I know as my Icons; the people I love.
God is great.
now for Monday...

its hot.

2009-08-25T20:24:00.000-07:00

The sun hangs on a string from the sky,
the days go by like cars on the streets.
I like to see the birds fly high;
I love to see the moons repeats;
the ladybug learns to flirt.

The wind carries the smell of future on its back;
the grass takes on colours of earth.
I like to see the squirrel pack,
I love to smell the clouds give birth;
the stars close their eyes.

The feeling of falling comes over the trees,
the leaves from their homes depart.
I like to hear the chickadee cry,
I love to feel the beat of your heart
and the breathing of your air.

"birdseed!" demands the cardinal's strain,
the snow is happy like me.
I like to feel the wind's cold in my veins,
I love your face to see
and your hand to hold on cold days.

August

2009-08-10T15:46:00.000-07:00

Current Crush...

2009-07-23T06:50:00.000-07:00

*gack!*

what a weekend...

2009-07-22T08:37:00.001-07:00

my brain won't shut up; it just keeps coming back over and over again to everything I don't want to think about.
and my emotions won't turn on, so that I feel like a heartless Disney villain!
call me Mess.
My best friend just moved to another planet.
then another of my best friends just got engaged to a guy I don't know from Adam's house cat!
and I hate crying!
*head-table*
why do we not have coffee in the pot?

packing for yet another trip.
hopefully this one will be less horrific.

'for the first time in such a long, long time

2009-07-09T07:25:00.000-07:00

I know, I'll be okay. ' ♫

I can see the mountain, its dark and just as big as the last; the last one I fell off.
but somehow it looks less steep, shorter.
looking at this mountain doesn't scare me,
somehow I believe I can make it to the top and not fall off.
for the first time in such a long, long, time I'm not scared of this mountain.
.......................................................
I *am* scared of Yetis though.

June.

2009-06-25T10:55:00.000-07:00

my feet won't touch the ground ♫

2009-06-23T06:29:00.000-07:00

We danced The Posties Jig to a ten minute song. it kinda hurt.
I swing Danced and spun on the floor.
I almost died. Glory!

Thursday .

2009-06-11T15:03:00.000-07:00

after a trip to the pool...

2009-06-10T15:42:00.000-07:00

I sprouted a new family of freckles today;
they are a happy, rambunctious lot, and much loved.
why is it my hair looks it's best after a day of swimming?
this would be so much more appreciated if I was a mermaid or a walrus. but I'm not.

I am wearing a green Duck Tape bracelet. I made it. I am so smart it hurts.... no really tearing that thing off my wrist really hurt...

iTunes Genius + Breath Me by Sia = yes...

listening loyally to Radio Lab podcasts. I am a smarter girl.

June the 20th. Be there. or else.

yes, it is...

2009-06-06T15:06:00.000-07:00

over and over and over again...

2009-06-03T10:35:00.000-07:00

this.

filtered light.

2009-05-29T09:50:00.000-07:00

somethings are confusing things.

2009-05-21T19:37:00.001-07:00

'nough said.

dude. I just drifted for 10 miles.

2009-05-18T09:29:00.000-07:00

Canoed Saturday. whoa, okay muscles I didn't even know I had are now sore.
it was cold. like REALLY cold. but I had a hoodie! which kept me warm until the first time me and Zach flipper the canoe (we managed to do this 5 times) . then I had a wet hoodie. Fail.
not only was it cold but it was cold and there was nothing we could do about it. every thing we had was wet. I had this nonstop shiver going and the goosbumps didn't go away until never.
it was also cloudy so (being the outrageously clever folks that we are) we didn't wear sunscreen.
say hello to tomato legs here!
my legs were buuuuuurning. last night I dreamed I was being burnt at the stake. whoa.
I think the hardest part was keeping our canoe upright, that thing had issues let me tell you! and it was SLOW.... maybe that was the rowers.... Zach!
we had a lot of special needs.
basically, it was THE best 8 hour canoe trip ever and we laughed.

after Saturday and all it's speacialness we had Sunday (big shocker)
Sunday night we danced. those muscles we used rowing we didn't use Dancing but every other muscle we did.
we were there to teach and generally look good. to them we succeed, in earnest, we failed. *nod*
but we danced, so, I mean how much better can it get?

life is pretty good.
*grin*

tonight.

2009-05-12T02:02:00.000-07:00

can't sleep.
can't dream.

Retainer and alarm clock haunt me.
Bunny is awake with me.
I have a knot the size of a very large tangle of muscle in my back. it hurts.
all I really want is for it not to be night. can it be morning.
then I would make myself a cup of tea.
but it's dark. it's creepy out there.
I wish I had a photo to post. of light.

back to bed and snoring sister and cold quilt and buzzing fan.
G'night.

'Don't tell me you're too blind to see'

2009-05-09T09:28:00.000-07:00

yay for this

currently:

2009-05-06T19:14:00.000-07:00

Reading: Artemis Fowl. pretty good stuff, Butler = Van Diesel. yes.
Hearing: KT Tunstall has my ears.
Watching: footloose. that movie is made of so much "Naooooo!"
Wanting: a Rout 44 grape Sonic slush.

tomorrow is Sixflags. I will be Tomato coloured and hoarse.
if you hear screaming in China it will be me.

Creative pop

2009-05-03T10:04:00.000-07:00

shrinky dinks are the weapons I use to fulfill evil (but Genius) plots of world destruction.

they don't work too well. hmmm.

this is the Coldplay of days.

2009-05-01T07:47:00.001-07:00

"Is any pleasure on earth as great as a circle of Christian friends by a good fire?" - C.S.Lewis.
-we should do that again.
Tea and plaid dress today.
less school and more music.
less hair and more make-up
way more washing of hands. way less contact with people. and pigs, pfft.
I'll live.

with my quilt and pillow.

2009-04-29T10:52:00.000-07:00

Roof sitting on a windy day.
looking through my hair at the green tree tops.
wishing. wishing. wishing I could fly.
maybe I'll grow some wings someday.
maybe I'll find a Fledge and together we'll fly.
maybe I'll meet a prince and together we'll fly away.
maybe.

the heart of April

2009-04-23T07:59:00.001-07:00

I want you to be my love - Over the Rhine
Brighter than the sun - Agualung
Lay your head down - Keren Ann
Angel - Jack Johnson
Viva la vida - Coldplay
Daydreamer - Adele
Hear you me - Jimmy eat world
Hands remember - Seabear
Orange sky - Alexi Murdoch
Aishiteru Kitto - Ami Suzuki
Snakes and latters - Basia Bulat
Learn to fly - Carbon leaf
Marvelous things - eisley
Ashes and wine - a Fine frenzy
Human - Killers
Colors - Kira willey
Other side of the world - KT Tunstall
Like a song - Lenka
A good day - Perscilla Ahn
Drive my soul - Lights
These ams - Matt Costa
Morning yearning - Ben Harper
We are broken - Paramore
Can't go back now - the weepies

*breath* there.

so yeah.

2009-04-21T09:53:00.000-07:00

Best ball I've ever attended.
Best friends I could ever ask for.
Best family in the whole world.
Best weekend second to none.

*grin*

this is the Best waste of time

umm. Excitement!

2009-04-16T18:18:00.001-07:00

Psalmsing, Ball this weekend! 'can life get any better than this?'

looking towards seeing my Icons. *grin*

'Stripes; very diminishing for a robust figure!' - Cranford

a craving for smart melodies and soft words produce, Jack Johnson, Kate Rusby, the Weepies, and Coldplay.

"I get nervous when I fly
I’m used to walking with my feet"

wanting: you.

2009-04-10T09:09:00.000-07:00

some memories feel like fingernails on chalkboard.
I pray the future comes in Dry Erase.

Reading: Howl's moving Castle. that book was written to be an Anime. Miyazaki was brilliant.
Listening: KT Tunstall. "they're one and the same just like water"
Loving: Gods Icons. and pears.
Waiting: Psalmsing and Ball can't come fast enough.

I have a nose like a bunny.

laugh

2009-04-03T09:20:00.000-07:00

Mum to Dodie: "you're such a Character!"
Dodie: I'm not a Character, I'm Dodie!"

if I ever get a tattoo:

2009-03-27T07:30:00.001-07:00

we're going on a Duck Hunt...

2009-03-19T10:47:00.000-07:00

What a beautiful day! we're not scared...
uh oh, Love! God's pure love.
we can't go over it, we can't go under it,
OH NO, we've gotta' go through it!

raining....

2009-03-12T10:03:00.000-07:00

I sleep like a rock when it rains... and rocks don't even sleep! *impressed*
working towards getting my ever needed Ipod this weekend. my Zen keeps going into cardiac-arrest. not cool.
Spartacus is being ever adorable.
Grace Anne is in Idaho. having fun without me. curse you.
My mattress has developed this protruding spring that cork-screws itself into my spinal cord every night.
this weekend was rather a dance fail but somehow it's okay. I should be feeling painfully deprived but I'm not.

I can't seem to stick to one book now a days. I'll read a couple chapters in one and loose interest so I'll move on to another one. then I'll decide I want to know what happens to Fred in the midst of being attacked by a mad rhino in that first book, so I'll go back and read a little more. then I'll decide Fred isn't worth the worry, so I'll star a new book, only to remember that Bill, in book number two, was left hanging over a cliff earlier. *slaps self* they're all good books too. which makes it all the worse.
*sigh* whatever.

I dream in black and white.

2009-03-03T08:22:00.000-08:00

watched another Anime film the other night. clean and crisp and completely unbelievable. but somehow shockingly lifelike.

Mercy gave up coffee for lent. *snore*
paycheck on Friday *Kip-like arm pump*
bought my Purity ring off Ebay Finally.
and a Threadless for a gift. Lucky.

Mum, early last morning: "okay, Vangie, Mercy get up girls it's time to go!"
Dodie: "where are you going Mommy?''
Mum: "they need to get up so we can start school and breakfast and cleaning. we have a lot to do this morning"
Dodie *considering*: "I'll stay here"

Mercy wants a glass of wine

2009-02-27T18:24:00.000-08:00

Mercy wants someone to raise a glass with a "here's looking at you kid" meant just for her...

things of joy this week.

2009-02-13T18:27:00.000-08:00

"you too" moments.
cheesy movies that induce horribly uncontrolled laughter.
doodles.
Papa.
Sonic's grape cream slush.
exciting (if cheesy) Novels that keep me occupied for hours.
a little brother to squish.
Milk.
old home videos *laughter*

Futuristic happenings.
Dance. *grin*
paycheck. Cha-ching!
weekend visit with best friends and favourite families. :)

looking towards the release of this gem:
Ponyo.

still recovering from pure lovelyness in this gem:
it captured a piece of my soul.

O.o

2009-02-02T13:13:00.000-08:00

In attempt to vanquish the gaggle of petrifying songs that have nested in my brain:

look. People. Hey!

"Whats the point of wearing your favorite rocketship underpants if nobody ever asks to see 'em? " -Calvin.
yeah.

got a hair cut the other day. there's this feeling I get right after I tell the Lady what I want and right before she makes the first snip. its this moment of cold fear. which is off because.. I'm not overly weird about my hair it grows ungodly fast and I don't like freak out about it being perfect all the time. but anyway. in the end I always like it. this Lady was aMAZing though! she was like speedy-hair-cutting-lady of the century! for real, I was scared for my ears! all I could do was sit bolt upright and try not to breath while she whizzed around me waving sharp objects and talking to herself. I feared her and her duel comb wielding.

"I could have been a signpost,
could have been a clock
As simple as a kettle, steady as a rock."

the Superbowl was great last night. yup. My family watches football for the commercials. and then we rate them. "five gold stars!".
on the other hand, when did it become ok to thank the PRESIDENT FOR WINNING THE SUPERBOWL!?
what is the world coming to?

Libi was telling me about how old she feels and how empty and dismal her pathetic little life is.... Hullo, meet Scrooge, Eeyore, PuddleGlum, and Oscar The Grouch all rolled into one JOYFUL bundle of smiles! O.O

"When you're flyin' high, take my heart along
I'll be the harmony to every lonely song
That you learn to play"

Mercy needs a new Ipod. boy do I need a new Ipod!

Courage is watching the Matrix in french. *

I think my life would look good as a comic strip. get to work on that.

aren't you glad my brain is so chock full of unnecessary but true facts? where else would you get you entertainment PLUS assurance of the worlds normality depravity. "kinda makes you wanna treat me with more respect!"... "Maybe I should sell tickets"

ok I'm done.

"it's just enough to be strong
In the broken places, in the broken places
It's just enough to be strong
Should the world rely on faith tonight"

erm.

2009-01-25T19:11:00.000-08:00

things of joy this week.

brightly colored shoelaces and new Chucks. make me feel all New York.
receiving B&B letter from the Awesomest Toug Vrazo cousins on the earth, the Poem was SO amazing and if Dylan was any more talented I'd have to shoot him! feel the love.
Coffee. I know how to make a pot O' Joe now. be afraid....
Jelato from Central Market. I'm a thousand percent sure that's not how you spell that...
Great uncle Ed. he always wears red socks.
Lenka. listen.
Sunday worship.
Madeleine L'engle. space and time and nothingness gives me chills. Genius.
Spartacus. Sparky is my bunny friend.
Family. through better or worse.

I am blessed. always.

underneath the moon, underneath the stars,

2009-01-07T19:21:00.001-08:00

here's a little heart for you
up above the world, up above it all
here's a hand to hold on to....

-so, things happen in short whiles.
this is something that I have to remind myself of. to often.
Pretty much I'm working through things slowly. like I match socks. Excruciatingly slowly. Painful to watch.

-Put your hands in the AYER!
we are going to party like Rockstars next Saturday and it is going to be aMAZing!
among others I get to see my Rednecks, my Pinky twin, my Snicket and my favourite tall person. = JOY!

- I think I'm getting sick. bleh.
*chugs Airborne* BLEH!

- Shakespeare was a Jeenius. true story.

- getting up at 6:30 makes Mercy a dull Girl. not to mention SLEEP DEPRIVED!
thank God for coffee and Mountain dew, because without, Mercy would make Oscar the Grouch look like Polly Anna.

- Tomorrow is Jim day. *!*

- I've been doing some good reading lately-- P. G. Wodehouse, Lloyd Alexandar and a little "Clementine" on the side. *smile* life is good.

- Vangie is watching full chick flicks on YouTube. *snort*

- Old Disney animated films are the best. Peter Pan, Robbin Hood, Alice in wonderland, the sword in the stone... I laugh so much harder than the kids who are laughing at me in the first place.

- Me getting the girls dressed for church: "put your tights on Tump"
Dodie: "I don't have any tights like tumpy"
Me: " boys don't wear tights Dodie"
Dodie: " but Robbin hood wears tights, and little John and Peter Pan!"
I stand corrected.

- and now I am Dying. *blows nose*
Pepermint tea. and bed.

Props this week to Mr and Mrs. Ashley for partyage. we had a blast. :)

20 things that make Mercy a not so happy Hamster. in no particular order of hatred. except the first one...

2009-01-07T18:29:00.000-08:00

1. Inflatable yard decor *grits teeth* for years I have suppressed the urge to attack them with scissors...no more...

2. the color red.

3. sonic tables. those horrid red textured ones that hurt your elbows and make your ice cream cone fall onto your new green and blue shirt that you just bought at Old Navy on CLEARANCE for 6$... but I'm not bitter....

4. people who plant fake flowers in their flower beds. if your already going to be on your hands and knees in the dirt....

5. people with overly white, white teeth. CREST!

6. night lights. Dude! I'm trying to SLEEP here! stop it with the spot light!

7. People who knock on the bathroom door and try to talk to you while you're in the SHOWER!

8. Plaid and stripes worn together. like in the same outfit. like one on top one on bottom. like. dude.

9. dirty drinking glasses. ick.

10. Wallmart.

11. built-in or sewn-on jeweled necklaces attached to shirts/dresses. ummm..... that's not tacky at ALL.

12: Thomas the tank engine. we won't even go there...

13. Penciled eyebrows. Lady PLEASE, what is WRONG with you?!

14. seafood. all of it. it's just... weird. anyway, it annoys me.

15. Guys with flimsy hand shakes. this applies to dancing too. Keep it together man!

16. Barack Obama. ick.

17 . Cd's that skip. rrrrrg .

18. Girls older than 6 who wear ribbons in their hair. please explain this to me. ok maybe don't.

19. alarm clocks. Death to all....

20. "lol"

on a happier note...

20 things that make Mercy happy:

1. Jim + Pam

2. action films.

3. sleep.

4. joyous friends who make me laugh till I cry.

5. barefeet.

6. photos/photography/photoge

nic people....

7. Dancing.

8. playgrounds at midnight.

9. Airports.

10. quotable movies.

11. Frapachinos

12. my hugely awesome family.

13. bunnies.

14. books. good books. bookstores...

15. C. S. Lewis. Jack.

16. rings.

17. snow and rain at night.

18. inside jokes.

19. scarves

20. giving presents.

oh, for love we become larger than lifesize...

2008-11-05T16:40:00.000-08:00

Mercy is sore from sheer joy. is this possible?

the Mirth flutters around in my head like fireflies in a jar.
on my mind:

proudly showcasing a darkening purple-brownish bruise on her wrist Mercy walks through life with an eternal wave: elbow, elbow, wrist, wrist, wrist...

"And I think of you, whenever life gets me down, I think of you, whenever you're not around..."

I'm about to be driven mad with politics. I will kill you.
ok, so I tried listening to my Ipod in one ear while making my calls for work... *cough* not so much...
Mercy: "hello, My name is Mercy, I'm calling for State Representative Bill Zedler-Lights will guide you home-tomorrow is the last day of voting-I will try to fix you"
and that was after I ended yet another answering machine message with "Amen"
*forehead-table*

"I dive in at the deep end, she became my best friend. I wanna love you but I don't know if I can"

in Heaven we will dance in Narnia without growing weary under orange trees.

"In your love, my salvation lies"

Props this week to: Eden, my partner in crime ;) I lurv you dear. and Nemo... I'm not sure why.

Song tattooed on my brain: Devil's Dance Floor by Flogging Molly Oh, yeah!

most used words today: "have a good day" ... work.

"Girl, you were looking at him a little too long for me to be your friend. And boy, you were looking at her a little too short for me to be yours."

snore

2008-09-21T20:06:00.000-07:00

so Mercy is sleep deprived and overly emotionally DRAINED.

on my mind:
sleep. and good music.
can't wait to get a new bunny *grin*
Families are amazing inventions, though tune-ups and inspections are a necessity.
massages are MUCH needed even if much painful.
don't work through a night. it's never worth it. trust me.
Emily wins the "best-skirt-wearer-Award" today for her plaid, pocketed item of much envy.
school is SO not being looked forward to. nor is.... not... asleep. ness. *
*yes Jaime, that's a knot OUCH*
River-boot wearing and leg-warmer inhabiting is gleeful and makes for spice-tea drinking and quilt cuddling. . . *mirth* winter's finding me.

songs tattooed onto my brain: Light gives heat - Jars of clay. (an improvement from the last posted tattoo)

most used word today: "awww". and I meant it every time :)

and I leave you with these words of wisdom and depth:
"emBRACE the cheese" - Abi.

Mercy is alive

2008-09-13T13:34:00.000-07:00

Mercy lives life. mercy talks to herself in 3rd person.

on my mind:
I got a blog. because Xanga is Zombie infested. or something.
Coldplay matches the weather.
rain is rest to my mind. it makes me relax.
'been listening to the Basement tapes. theological debate at it's finest. the kind that you stop and rewind a lot.
Bowling is not my strong point in life. but being with people that make me laugh is. nice achievement right?
the radio sucks. therefore I need a new Ipod. one that works.
sadness abounds on account of hurricanes and canceled balls and missed friends.
I'm all about Eisley music videos right now. because... well, just because.
I think Jack should never have died with out meeting me. what was that all about?! seriously?

Songs tattooed onto my brain:
Desturbia by Rhianna... did I say the radio sucked? I rest my case.

favourite/most used word today: Idiot.

We walked along a crowded street, you took my hand and danced with me. Images. ~ a Fine Frenzy